Jaquelin Clay
Carlos, my youngest brother, died on May 12, 2024.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with a muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
WH Auden
Ah, Carlos! It is not at all difficult to remember the very best of you – there was so much. Your endless enthusiasm, your intelligence, your sense of humor, your kindness and your trust. This last perhaps your undoing as it could lead at times to your being bullied and taken advantage of.
He was fearless as a child: I remember him up on some stage singing “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadda” cheerfully out of tune and loving the attention. But he suffered hardship as a child, sometimes bullied, with the loss at an early age of his mother, who he was particularly close to. He was adrift during his teenage years but finished high school. His courage carried him through the rest of his life, where every day could be a challenge. He rose to it until the very end.
His intelligence: he was keen to go the UC Berkeley, but determined that the best way to do that was to get an Associates degree (at South Coast Junior College) and then apply. He was successful and studied Ancient History. He fancied Classics, but knew he couldn’t hack the Latin and Greek. He introduced me to Marcus Aurelius. I remember him reading me passages from “Meditations” over the telephone. The picture is with his sister at Sproul Plaza on his graduation. She and I both attended and were so proud of all that he accomplished.
The second picture is in front of Peets Coffee House with me in 2008.
He loved to travel, having spent some months in India, as well as time in Europe. At the end he was still saving for a trip which sadly was not to be.
He enjoyed his running and completed a marathon, which impressed me, as the training for that is daunting.
He was also an excellent banjo player and busked when he could around the bay area.
After college he struggled, like many ambitious young men, to establish himself. He would have liked to teach, but his life came apart, driven by frustration and a tendency to trust the wrong people. I think this drove some, entirely understandable bitterness in him. Then he began to make life choices that were not good for either his physical or mental health.
His love and interest in history stood out. At my request, he readily provided a DNA sample for the Clay Family Project. This has been invaluable and he expected nothing in return, simply happy to be a part of the effort.
He was fundamentally a good man. At his vey best, and this is how he should be remembered, he was kind, delightful and generous to others with his time and strength, He was loved.
7 months
ago
Francie Clay
